REFFLECTION: MARRIAGE IS A MYSTERY, UNTOLD TRUTH!

The latest reports about the decline of new marriages in Botswana by 15.1 percent from 2022 to 2023 according to Statistics Botswana Marriages Report is something that needs to be scrutinized from a spiritual point of view. Can we claim that divorce is a contributing factor to this decline of new marriages because according to the Ministry of Immigration, and Gender Affairs divorce rate hovers around 43-46 percent for first time marriages.

There is a great deal that is beautiful in the world which we overlook and take it for granted. We are deeply moved by the beauty of art and music and enchanted by beautiful nature. However there is still greater beauty which is right now in front of us. It is the love of a man and a woman soon to be given in marriage. Love is not only beautiful but also joyful because it satisfies a person’s irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly which is seen in marital love. Love is not only joyful, it also powerful for it rules without rules and that is why when marital love oils the machinery everything in the household runs smoothly. Why is it the marital love is beautiful, joyful and powerful? Because it is the reflection of God’s own love for us. The springs of love are in God. God is love (Deus caritas est). God’s love is unselfish, unconditional and enduring. “God so love the world that he gave his only Son for us” (Jh 3:16). He loves us not because he needs to receive but because he delights to give. He loves us not because we are lovable but because he is love and he is not because he wearied by our sins or our indifference towards him.

The success of marriage depends on how firmly it is founded on love and how closely that love resembles God’s own love. St Paul spells out the qualities of such love (1 Cor 13:4-8). “Love is never rude”, for it respects each one’s individuality. When people marry, they don’t possess their partner as they possess a car or a fridge. Each one must be allowed to keep their identity. “Love is not selfish”: love seeks to make happy rather than to be happy. Those who marry only with self-centered goals soon find their marriage to be a cage which they were once desperate to get into, but now are equally desperate to get out of it. “Love never broods over injuries”. For it forgives. A happy marriage is a union of two forgivers. “Love is forbearance”, for human love of any sort is often but the encounter of two weaknesses. “Love is trust”: nothing makes marriage rust like distrust. Of course, to be one goes beyond sexual union. To be one is not looking into one another’s eyes but looking together in the same direction. It is sharing not only of bodies but of mind and soul.

It is obvious to everyone that marriage founded on a love as described by St Paul will not be easy. Where there is love, there is pain and it is more true of marital love. The course of this love never did run smooth for any couple. We are told that marriages are made in heaven. I suppose that is why there are thunder and lightning in marital love.

But couples should not be afraid of these thunders and lightning. It’s unfortunate that divorce rate in Botswana is high because of these thunders and lightning. As such couples have a source of strength to bear life’s trials and tribulations together. The source is not far away, it is their marriage itself. Marriage is not only a sign of Christ’s love for the couple but also a means by which he transforms married couple’s human love into the love of God himself so that each partner is able to make Christ present to the other.

It is also important to trust in the divine power which is available in one’s marriage and another thing to make use of it on a daily basis. The way to avail oneself of his divine power is for the couple to strive to live in close union with God in such a way that God is always included into whatever they do and enjoy or suffer. Husband and wife need God like a zip, to keep themselves together.

But it is one thing to trust that the divine power is available in one’s own marriage and another thing to make use of it on a daily basis. The way to avail oneself of this divine power is for the couple to strive to live closer to God in such way that whatever you do God is central to your life as a couple in your joys and sufferings. Marriage is just like a zip. There two rows of teeth of a zipper. These teeth fit each other nicely. But also you need another zip to draw the teeth together and lock them. Husband and wife need God just like a little zip to draw the teeth together in order to fit each other. That means that they need family religion at home, not as a formality but as a practical everyday response God. Unless a priority is given to spiritual things, “what God has joined” “man will easily put asunder”. It is pity that because of frenzied concern for success in life, some spouses crowd out God altogether from their lives and because of the quickened speedy of travel and pace of life, some spouses find hardly any time not only for being together but also for being together before God. Couples need to imprint into their hearts and minds at the very start of their marriage the truth that their union with God on a daily basis is a must to nurture their marriage, to sustain their love and to make it grow. Love does not grow on the trees like apples in Eden. It is something you have to make, just like anything else. It is all work on your part, yes, but it is also all grace on God’s part.